Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Heads up, Joyce Morrison

Joyce, here's an suggestion for your next column: Bear ransacks kitchen, steals chocolate If you're thinking what I'm thinking, that 4 pound (2kg) box of chocolate could have just as easily been a small child! And the house could have just as easily been a schoolyard! And the bear could have just as easily been a mountain lion or Preble's Meadow Jumping Mouse! And because the man's property rights were violated by a wild, homosexual, evil gangbanger environmentalist bear, it is of the utmost importance to remove the forest of lumber that it's been hoarding for itself -- leaving it nowhere to hide so that ranchers and farmers and other property owners can shoot it and others like it. And once the land is cleared and the terrorist bear threat is removed, we should do what it takes to make sure bicyclists don't turn it into a bike path, which would lead them into town in their tight pants so they can act rude to local merchants. And that the run-off created wouldn't create a wetland that might fall under wetlands lockdown on another farm or ranch. And we need to protect the sky above it from evil magnetic fields beamed by environmentalists from Alaska to create bad weather, which will cause farmers and ranchers to leave their homes, and clear the land for a Heritage Corridor. Get writing, quickly! Before the signs for the Heritage Corridor are approved by the Washington bureaucrats!

1 Comments:

Blogger ChicagoJason said...

Hilarious--you just made my day.

9/30/2004 11:03:00 AM  

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